Vicki Marie’s Sexy Summer Reading Series: Chapter 51

Vicki Marie’s Sexy Summer Reading Series: One Chapter A Day

THE BACHELOR CHAPTERS: A THINKING WOMAN’S ROMANCE

Chapter 51

“I’m never going to be number one again. It only makes sense.”

Lamar nodded. We were in his kitchen. I was on my second glass of wine, and Lamar was knocking back Stellas.

“The best I can be is number four.” I held up the four fingers of my right hand for emphasis. “I want to be number four. Four is the new number one!” I raised my glass for the toast, and he met me halfway. Lamar and I were discussing the nuances of the bachelor lifestyle, and I had just shared my latest guiding principle: The Rule of Four.

"Number One in Your Own Mind" is the prerequisite to practicing The Rule of Four in your date life, Buenos Aires, 2012

“Number One in Your Own Mind” is the prerequisite to practicing The Rule of Four in your date life, Buenos Aires, 2012

In conventional romance and in exclusive relationships in general, both parties aspire and expect to occupy the top rung known as number one. Numero Uno sounds like the best, but I had identified a superior model, not just for bachelors, but that applied to middle age dating in general. The Rule of Four was the mature dater’s guide for successful mate selection.

I was interested in men of quality and maturity, who had values and lifestyles that I could respect. The Rule of Four was a simple weeding system, designed to cull the weak candidates and promote the strongest contenders. Instead of being number one in the life of a man, I aspired to be number four. In the lifestyle of a worthy man, positions one, two, and three are taken.

Number One: The man’s money must be handled. This is trickle-down economics where it actually makes sense. If the man doesn’t have his money-act together, he can’t take care of his business, and I don’t want him in mine. Adios, and good luck.

Number Two: The man takes care of his kids. By middle age most men are fathers, and fatherhood comes with responsibility. You could argue that kids should be in the number one position, but I maintain that money is necessary to take care of the kids. Any man not stepping up for his children is simply not a man I want to get up close and personal with.

Number Three: Responsibility and self-knowledge. This would be the category of taking care of your business and having a life: working out, time for friends, taking care of your mother, negotiating with your kid’s mother, community service, spiritual practice, fantasy football, sleeping in on Sunday—whatever a man does that keeps his mind, his body and his heart healthy.

Number Four: Sex, romance, and relationships. This is where the smart money bets on success for middle age connections. This is exactly where I wanted to be.

Possibly the number one complaint that women are likely to hurl at their man is that finger-wagging chorus, “You don’t spend enough time with me.” Which in chick-speak actually means, “You don’t care enough about me.” It’s common for the sisters to equate quantity of time with depth of feeling, but as you can see from what I’ve listed above, there just isn’t much time. If a man is taking care of his business, he’s occupied. Being responsible and feeding your soul is time-consuming, but it’s important. Can you respect a man who isn’t taking care of his business? Can you shift that measure of worth from quantity to quality?

One of the reasons I date several men at the same time is because they’re all taking care of their stuff. Individually they’re simply not available very often. With a collection, I can have sex at least three times a week. I would even argue that being number four in the life of a man is the real power position. For a man, there is nothing quite as sexy as a woman who lets him live his life.

TOMORROW: Chapter 52

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 Copyright Vicki Marie Stolsen, 2014, Forever Forty-Four Publications, Publicity Rare Bird Lit, Tyson Cornell, Tyson@rarebirdlit.com, Distribution by Ingram, Available online and in bookstores in paperback, eBook, and audio format.